Add a comment June 26th, 2009 by lisa
Dear Jessica,
Speaking of states of emergency; I am having one now; on my face. Since I am entering the most self-absorbed month of my life, I have been looking more closely at my face and it has happened. I have wrinkles.
This means I spend the day trolling Sephora for products to make them go away. None have worked thus far. I have even made my way to the Juvederm website. This, in case you haven’t seen the commercial for it, where a 50 year old who has had it done is having sex with a 25 year old because she looks so young, is an injection for lines around your mouth.
I would never get Juvederm, but I have lines around my mouth and on my forehead and around my eyes. I hate them and I check anytime I am near a mirror to see if they are improving from the cream I slather all over them constantly. They are not.
It is possible that I am focusing on my wrinkles, like someone who has an eating disorder focuses on not eating, because it is the one thing they can control in their stressful life. The problem is I focus on them and can’t control them.
I can only hope that they would have been much worse had I not started my Sephora online ordering spree. I can only hope that the photographer at the wedding will use a very diffuse lens when he is taking pictures of my face; and I can only hope that when this wedding is finally over I will stop caring about something so stupid.
I guess it’s better than caring about place cards and what needs to written on them, which is my current obsession.
What I am not caring about, is my book. I carry it with me every day in its second draft state hoping to make it a third draft. If only they had a cream for shitty metaphors and predictable dialogue.
Lisa
Add a comment June 24th, 2009 by jessica
Dear Lisa,
You should know that today I had a panic attack. Just after my bank called to say someone stole my identity and just before my cat threw up on the carpet. It was all such bad timing. While I cleaned up the cat puke I made a mental list of the many shady websites I’ve given money recently. It’s a long list. You know what I’m talking about. You’re planning a wedding. Nothing says questionable internet purchases like a wedding.
So maybe indulging in a little retail therapy wasn’t the best idea. Especially the kind where you don’t leave home. Or your pajamas. But while I may not be planning a wedding, I am selling my house. Which I read somewhere is one of the three most stressful events in a person’s life. Wedding, baby, home sale… and lets be fair, identity theft would definitely be #4… so together, you and I are in a major state of flux. Does it count I had a baby 18 months ago? I still feel like I’m fluxing from that major change. I think we should declare a state of emergency on MFA Bitch. It’s only appropriate.
Since we have no emergency preparedness plan set in place, we’ll just have to wing it. For me this means ordering pizza for dinner tonight and eating the leftovers for breakfast. I think in any decent emergency we have to account for comfort food. If I drank, I’d also buy a 40 oz of the best malt liquor I could find. I might even have to pour a little out for the homies.
Behavior that is out of the norm is expected, even encouraged. Feel free to stay inside on sunny days and go for a walk when it rains. Eat only processed food. Get your favorite movie and set your DVD player to repeat. I suggest using Say Anything. John Cusack as Lloyd Dobler is in a constant state of emergency. His approach to the world sets a good example.
These methods have been tested and retested, so no worries on their effectiveness. This is how I survived my senior year of college.
Let me know how you fare in this our time of crisis.
Jessica
Add a comment June 4th, 2009 by lisa
Dear Jessica,
I fear I am becoming someone I hate. As my wedding looms less than two months away, it seems I can barely focus on anything else. This includes writing my yet to be completed second novel, working, cleaning the house, sleeping and reading. Yes, I can barely read, it is sad. This blog is not the least of things I have let fall by the wayside, but this too has suffered.
Basically, I am a woman with a one line of thought and one line of discussion. Even if I’m not talking about the wedding, I am always thinking about it. It is a bit terrifying.
Today I am going to have my “practice” makeup done. I have also gotten my “practice” hair done and am still looking for the perfect shoes even though I have already purchased a pair.
You know me, and you know I barely wear makeup. I don’t even dry may hair, but this wedding is turning me into a high-maintenance fuss-ball. My only thought on this is that like any life-change, a wedding diffuses who you are into your most basic elements. And, as much as I hate seeing myself this way, I love every minute of it.
I love all the attention. I love all the focus on everything I want. I love that I am allowed to be totally selfish and egocentric and that it is expected.
I fear that once the wedding is over I will go through a massive depression. I will realize that my life is completely the same, even though for a day I got to live life as a celebrity, a princess; And that for a year I was able to prepare for that day.
Maybe this is why people have babies?
Love,
Lisa
Add a comment April 15th, 2009 by lisa
Jessica,
I had a dream that I was at my wedding last night. Instead of wearing the dress you saw, I decided I would wear a red dress. A slinky, long, red silk dress, which, in my dreaming mind was a perfect decision.
According to my dream dictionary: Red is an indication of raw energy, force, vigor, intense passion, aggression, power, courage and passion. The color red has deep emotional and spiritual connotations. Consider the phrase “seeing red” to denote anger. Red is also the color of danger, shame, sexual impulses and urges. Perhaps you need to stop and think about your actions.
I am not sure that any of this bodes well for my upcoming nuptials.
The dream also included drug use, which I abstained from, karaoke, and a lot of people I didn’t know doing things that pissed me off.
Something I kept repeating was, “I’m the bride, so don’t mess with me.”
Perhaps this is the creative seed for a new action film, or it is the continued evidence that I am going slowly and completely crazy.
I am still trying to write in the midst of all this. Trying being the word. You can take that to mean any of its definitions, because the process is feeling like all of them.
White Wedding!
Lisa
1 Comment April 8th, 2009 by jessica
Dear Lisa,
I remember when we met Chuck Palahniuk and he told you that all a writer really needs is a good idea. This is how he managed to write Lullaby in six weeks. Seems like I’ve been praying for a good idea ever since. Once in a while I get something close, but before too long, the momentum flickers and the idea shrivels away.
Whenever an idea dies, I blame myself. I wallow in self-loathing. I question why I ever decided to become a writer. And then I stop writing altogether. I start reading those websites, the ones written by writers who write books about writing. Of course most of these writers haven’t written anything other than a how-to-write book, but I can’t help it. I merely want to be inspired, to discover in myself an idea that will get me to the finish line. But hokey catch phrases aren’t good enough. I want to know HOW.
Unfortunately, when you want to talk about the craft of writing with someone who’s actually published something worthwhile, they are tight-lipped (examples like Janet Evanovich and Stephen King notwithstanding. Sister, please.) Most of them can’t tell you how or why. Some of them can tell you when, but that’s just too depressing. Usually they say Every Day. This isn’t an option for me. Did I mention I have a toddler? I’m lucky if I can find the time to eat every day.
So when faced with the inability to write every single day, I give up. It’s too difficult to find the time. And it’s too damn difficult, full stop.
And just like Chuck said, it’s my job as a writer to have wildly imaginative ideas. But mostly I come up empty. It’s probably just the symptom of a boring life, one where I begin and end every day singing “Wheels On the Bus” a thousand times.
But then there are days like today. I’ve got an idea for a book. It’s a good one. You’d think so if I wasn’t so embarrassed to tell you about it. Except I won’t be telling you the particulars because it’s a book about writing.
Calling myself a writer when I’m not actually writing is one thing. But to think about writing a book about writing, when I’m not actually writing. This is ridiculous.
Unless I call it How Not to Write. Which might actually be a good idea.
Jessica
PS I’m very excited about the chuppah.
Add a comment March 25th, 2009 by lisa
So we’re four months out from my wedding and basically all I’ve been feeling about it is sick. Since January I’ve had the flu, the stomach flu and a sinus infection- and for a couple of days I was convinced I had lung cancer.
I had the flu while my parents were visiting and we were taking care of fun tidbits like picking out invitations, flower arrangements, a chuppah that costs more than my dress and choosing the menu. Does this seem like an ironic coincidence?
As I am writing my fiancé is puking his guts out- from some other bug he just caught.
As far as I can tell weddings are like small, buzzing plagues. Infecting anyone that is close to them, with whatever gross germy whim it feels like at the moment.
Our problems do not limit themselves to the physical. I have had probably five clinically authentic nervous breakdowns since January. One involving chair covers, one involving stamps and with those in mind I do not wish to mention what the other three were about.
I also find myself at different points during the day, hearing the song I will walk down the aisle to and picturing myself doing just that. Or hearing the first song we will dance to as man and wife and picturing us doing just that. Having delusions like a mentally ill person.
Will we make it to August?
Maybe.
At least my dress is long enough to hide it, if a lose a leg.
